Contemplations

As I sit here sipping my mug of hot tea and sugar, I have finished my latest library book. Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O'Neill. The heroine is 12 going on 13 for most of the book. I'm also watching Vh1's 100 Greatest Teen Stars. Nostalgia is setting in. I really loved being 12. 13 was hard but 12 was a blissfully unaware and happy time. I remember the outfit I wore to the 5th grade dance and how awesome I felt wearing something so cool. I remember getting everyones signatures on my beach ball at the end of the night. Then boys came into the picture and mom lost control and I started realizing life was not all peaches and cream (an analogy I still love to this day ;). I found out I had to work to get what I wanted or more like what everyone else wanted me to be. I would have been just as happy sitting in my room lost in a book. Which I did as much as I could. I probably would have started doing drugs if I had cooler friends. Just to escape the harsh reality of everyday life. I tried smoking in 11th grade. It never worked for me. Even though I had cooler friends. I think they all thought I was just sweet little Marissa. Which I have mostly come to terms with, (probably 90%).

The next best time in my life was probably when I turned 21. I moved out of my mom's house and the feeling of being free was almost orgasmic. (For those of you who know why, you will understand, for those of you who don't and want to just ask) I got my first tattoo, which is probably the best feeling in the world. I got a good job and I was able to go anywhere I wanted and not have to tell anyone.

23-25 was the next time I was truly happy and having fun. Work was going well, friends were comfortable and life was fun.

To be continued but let's start a discussion...